Have you ever knew a school that had about 275 million kids that has never went to school or they dropped out of school? Well now you know because Africa is one mane country that has 275 million kids that has never went to school or dropped out. It is really sad because you are getting an education that you need and them they just cant go and you can. We need to do something about this because when they grow up and have kids who are going to feed them?
Have you ever thought why the kids don't go to school? Some moms and dads cannot pay the fees that the school makes them pay because if the mom or dad never went to school than how are they going to pay for there kids to go to school. Some moms and dads do not even know how to read or write so they cant get a job so that means no job means no money. There are about 875 million people in Africa that are illiterate that is about 3 times the population of the USA. The teachers are the main reason why kids do not go to school because without them who is going to teach you? There are only 2 million teachers there now but they need 15 million before 2015 that is only 5 more years. The people need help and not one person made a change now how many changes can the whole world do.
When you and other people do something about this the kids will get the education that they need you well be happy and they will be really graceful, because you and the people in the world helped them get what they need so now the can feed their kids. In Salem Middle school we have a club here that helps the kids all over the world to give them clean water so they can drink and there are about 30 kids in there and they are making a change. If 30 kids can make a change how about you?
Brian L
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5 comments:
In the second paragraph, first sentence, you said couple of REASON which should be edited to REASONS. Other than that i think it is good because the introduction is interesting....275 MILLION? drop out!!
You have to change has to have and went to gone. you also have to take out put when you said "275 million kids has never went to school or dropped put out of school." I liked how you compared the population of africa to the U.S. how does giving them water have to do with their education?
-Mike
You have many grammer and spelling mistakes. In your second paragraph you shouldn't start off saying there are many reasons why and here are some, you should start off saying a intresting fact or a short summary of what it will be about. Your three reasons of why this is wrong are smoshed together. I can't tell which are which. You should say something like the second reason why, or my final reason so you can seperate them. You are getting off the topic in the last paragraph. You only said that we should help them and we are donating water to people in Africa, that is NOT telling the reader what they can do to help kids in Africa get a better education. Your closing and your beginning sentence don't have iany creativity, they just state simple facts. Add a question to them or tell them a SHOCKING fact. Overall it was a good story.
I agree with BaileY.You do have many grammer and spelling errors.Your first paragrph confused me.Why can't they go?You were supposed to include your opinion.Your closing sentence of your WHOLE paper dose not make sense.Why should we donatate money to them when you just spent your whole paragrpah talking sbout how we should help kids without a education.You could have said "At our schol we have a club that helps get water for people who don't have clean water.They have lready made a huge change." and then talked about how you could help.
you have some grammor issues in the first paragraph
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