It’s happening, it’s horrible, its devistating and we cant stop it! There are children soldiers fighting in war, risking their lives for their people. Children soldiers all over the world are being murderd and forced to commit suicide. It is wrong to take children as young as seven to war and keep them in war until they die.
Imagine a child going to war and staying there forever not having a real childhood. A child quoted “I couldn’t take the pain anymore I might just kill myself; most of my friends did it”. The commander forces make them to clear out the land mines by stepping on them, aslo they make them carrying the others weapons, send messages and go on spy missions.
People who make children go to war are sick people who are cowardly and can’t fight for themselves. We can stop this by convincing the other countries not to use child soilders. Do you want and invention that can change the world? Then stop using child soldiers.
Sal C.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
12 comments:
"It’s happening, it’s horrible, and it could be you!"
You could make this sentense a lot more interesting. Also, this sentense doesn't even make any sense because it can't actually be you. America doesn't allow child soldiers.
"-and are forced to commit suicide."
No, they are not forced to, they just choose to.
"Imagine a little boy/girl dying, what if that child was the one who invents something that could stop wars?"
This sentence really doesn't make any sense. Could you explain it more?
"We can stop this by simply not letting children go to war."
This isn't true, because the governments of some countries force children to go to war. This statement only applies to children who go to war because they are poor.
And sorry if everything is italicized; I'm still trying to figure out how it works.
he is right they are not forced to they are wanting to
the third paragraphs first sentance needs to be explained
joshw
I like your story but you have some spelling errors.
Sal, your second pharagraph is not capitalized, you also didn't add to much information. try being specific because their were things in your pharagraph that aren't needed and then things you left out. your pharagraphs are also too small. Did you even try?? what i think you need to do is make your pharagraphs bigger, indent, capitalize, and BE SPECIFIC!!
u need to change the first paragragh
Your grabber sentence really hooked me!
Your conclusion is great too!
Next time, try to makeit longer and detailed.
Overall, it was really organized and neat!
Great story, but there are many spelling, grammer, and puncuation mistakes throughout the blog/post. I also agree with BrandtP. ut neverless, still a pretty convincing article! Keep it up, Sal.
your hook really hooked me, but i did not quite understand your last sentence
STOP KIDS FROM GOING TO WAR!!!!!
Post a Comment