''Look''! there it is again another building is being constructed. Every time you see a building forests have been destroyed. I think we should stop destroying forests.
Did you know that fifty six percent of forests have already been destroyed, so there is only forty four percent of forest left in the world? This is important to us because it helps regulate the planets weathering cycle. The rate of forest loss in Mexico is six hundred thousand to two million acres per year. This will affect humans because, Tropical forests “The lungs of earth” are gigantic carbon stores when they are destroyed massive amounts of carbon is released into the atmosphere. Forest covered about a quarter of the earth’s surface but now it is reduced by twenty to fifty percent. It will impact humans because we will lose massive animal species that only lived in forests.
Today is the day that we stop destroying forest. So something all of us can do to save forests are stop destroying forest. Another thing we can do is if you go to a forest and eat food don’t leave your trash there because if the animals eat the trash they could get sick. So let’s act now before it’s too late.
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5 comments:
to begin with, you need a title. you also use the word forest and the word destroyed too many times in your writing. there are some spelling mistakes and there are supposed to be a blank line in the middle of scentences. in paragraph two, there are only two supporting facts and only two supporting details supporting those facts. one more thing is that you need to start and end your editorial in a enterating way so that the writing will capture the readers attention.
You have to add a title so the reader knows what you are going to be talking about.I like you topic sentence,it grabs the reader. You forgot to separate your three paragraphs .Your opinion sentence isn't specific.You should add more of why you think forest destruction must be stopped. I like you opinion for the 3rd paragraph, nice details. Put a comma after building on the second paragraph, and on the 3rd paragraph the last sentence, swtich "lived" to "lives". You should change the numbers "six hundred thousand to two million acres per year" to numbers instead of words.Its more easier to read. Restating your opinion in the first sentence for the last paragraph needs further detail. Maybe something like " today is the day we put this global crisis to the end." The second sentence in the last paragraph doesn't really help the reader understand what to do to help forest. In the 3rd sentence in the 3rd paragraph put something like " put your trash in a trash can" rather then what you wrote, b/c it doesnt make alot of sense. Make your closing sentence more creative.
first of all, you need a title so people will no what your editorial is about. Your grabber does not relate the rest of the editorial and it does not grab the reader much. i like your issue sentence in the fist paragraph. an editorial paragraphs you look like you only have one,you may need to fix that because that way people can identify you first, second ,third paragraph,and the tranasitions between them. on your second paragraph what "it" means when you said "it help regulate the planets weathering cycle" your closing sentence i think does not leave the reader thinking, it also doesnt include any figurative language ,a smilie, metaphor,or a phrase at all it sounds more like your call to action. on the closing sentence when you say "so lets act know before its too late" you spelled now wrong. above all i like your evidence in the second paragraph.
So obviously the first thing to do at the beginning, add a title, such as "Destruction of Forests" so the reader will know what the topic is about. On the first sentence, it was sort-of bleak. Try using onimonopea in it. An example would be "Look!" "Crash!" type of words. Also in the first paragraph, your explanation has a few grammical mistakes. A suggestion would be "Almost every time you see a building, usually a forest was there." You should also make your opinion a little brighter, it is a bit dull. It is good that you used lots of supporting details in the second paragraph, but there are still a few grammical mistakes. Such as "planets" should be "planet's".
Finally, at your closing paragraph, I like the wording in it, you used it good. However, yet again, those pesky grammical mistakes are back. At this section, "are stop destroying forests", put the word "to" right after "are". Overall this paragraph is great, but if you really fix the grammical mistakes and make the simple sentences sparkle, you could very well find yourself traveling the path to an A+!
you need a title and you have some spelling mistakes. your third paragraph makes no since.
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