Child Soldiers
“Hey son could you give me a hand with that sniper over there”. That is what most fathers would ask their son or daughter during a battle in Africa. Why would they ask that African soldiers are so desperate for reinforcements that they call in there own sons and daughters. Now to me that is just plain wrong.
Down in Africa Militia troops are very needy for help. So, they call in there children as reinforcements. They are putting their child’s life at a big risk. They are mostly used for guards and mine sweepers. I do not know why but they are armed with M-16 rifles, Ak-47 assault rifles, and pistol handguns. Also the amount of children dying in 1 year has tripled. In battles, up to 1000’s of kids are killed a year. If they keep that up the population of children and adults are going to soon go to maybe go down to a couple 1000 or so.
Child Soldiers are just unacceptable for kids of all ages, because how would you feel if your 11 year old child came home in a coffin and the engraving said that he or she was killed by a mine. I think that someone should try stopping this by going to Africa to speak to who ever is in charge of there village or town and tell them to just stop child soldiers now! So get up and help make a difference!
By Brandon M.
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5 comments:
Incorrect grammer on first paragraph, try to explain a bit more so they get interested in your paper. If you explain a bit more in 2nd paragraph it might interest the readers a bit more and help get them to help. Try to list a few organizations that help to stop child soldering in the last paragraph, since it only says it should stop but nothing else.
The second sentence in the first paragraph and the last sentence in the second paragraph don't make any sense. Check some of your facts because I'm pretty sure some of them aren't true. In the second paragraph you say pistol handguns and aren't they the same thing.
Garrett J.
While writing you should always spell numbers such as 1000's should be like thousands.Alsoo your ending sentence is very cheesy make it be more clever also your ways that could help is not something that would usually happen find real things that people really do.Really good facts but you could maybe add more such as personal expiriences and stories that happended also child soildering doesnt only happen in africa lots of it occur in asia and maybe even other countries.The second sentences beggining doesnt make sense maybe clear it up a little.
Andre F.
The period goes in front of the quotaion. The 2nd sentence doesn't make sense. It seems like a jumble of words. Pistols and handguns are the same. They carry m-16 and AKs because they are soldiers. In the second paragraph 5th sentence i think it would make more sence if you took out the assault rifle. The last sentence 3rd paragraph needs to be revised, maybe it could sound like this. "If they keep that up the population of children and adults will decrease to around 1000." There isn't really one person who is in control of child soldiering. Last the 1st sentince of the last paraghraph needs to be revised
Joe Y.
Why did you make it diffrent colors?It takes my atteion away from the pararaph.I do not get the ending sentence in the second paragrph.Mabey you could try to clear it up a little.
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